ok here's where i'm at. i feel like there's a tazmanian devil inside of me whriling around, desperately trying to find the light of day. i've always had a tendency towards calmness. towards control. towards image manipulation. towards mini-strokes. but since moving here, ive lost it. i still adore the people and things i find adorable. i like to play devil's advocate...lucky you! and i can find something to love in anyone. pretty much anyone. but yeah anyone. i think?

im just warning you now, before i get to tx and unleash the fury. i want to wear puff paint shirts and berets and reeboks and tear shit up. and i don't care what anyone has to say about it. i am perfectly myself. random, fleeting thoughts fighting for attention. that's me! i haven't done any of my christmas shopping. my doormen need tips before i board my plane this evening. and almost everything i packed in my medium-sized suitcase is black. and that's only because my mom thinks people in new york only wear black....that'll show her.

have your way with me 2007. hopefully john krasinski will have his way with me too...zing!

-zang.

i hate chains! but i can't risk 10 years of ugly. so i'm compromising with the cosmos. i'm posting this to all of my lovely friends without singling out any of you or forcing you to action.... enjoy!

robin did name a tee-shirt "the rhatigan" so i ain't mad at her.


( the chain gangCollapse )

on my walk to work this morning, somewhere between the "god bless you mami's" and "thank you lady's", someone popped in a "good morning, blondie"......i was both shocked and insulted. no offense to any of my blonde bombshells. but i've even been using redhead shampoo. you know. the type that brings out your NATURAL highlights? even though it stains the tub red, it's natural!

my mom used to be a redhead. EMPHASIS ON THE USED TO. i always thought that since my hair was darker to start with this wouldn't happen to me. im not ready to be a blonde. i need to pack in a few more good years as a firecrotch first.

what else. i had delicious pork buns last night with rebecca meeker and alyza brown. work happy hour tonight. im terrified. im upset that the village voice laid off so many higher ups. andddddddd i finally like diet dr. pepper.

im wearing my atari dress and it's getting nippy outside. life is good.

ok. ill preface this post with a warning. you may feel free to hate me after reading it. i probably deserve it.

i just realized that today, Friday, August 11, 2006 is my very last day of lazy adulthood. the days of drinking until 5 are officially over (at least on weeknights). and now i get the unique opportunity to stumble towards adulthood at an internet startup. i never thought id be hired. my entire life, ive seemed somewhat unhirable. and this tiny little office manager position is the very first job ive ever gotten because of who i am and not who i know. sad. sad. sad.

im terrified! my mom, who's the hardass of the rhatigan bunch and who's hardly a hardass at all, has always been on my ass about getting the highest paying, best job i can get. but at the same time, she always gets weepy eyed and looks at me and says "you'll never get a real day off again". thanks! i have no idea how ive survived under such startling contradictions. my dad has always wanted me to get a job, but when it's not the job he thinks i should have he tells me to DENY DENY DENY. let us remember the summer of '03 and the capitol incident. i was afraid of terror attacks, papa rhat was just terrified that the only job his friends had for me was that of messanger. he told me to just say no. so i spent the summer guzzling andre and falling asleep in beds all over the 787#*.

ive worked for the past year of my life knowing that my heart wasn't in it and still getting away with guzzling as much tequilla as my tummy could handle. i was working with my friends making fugly folk look better and i knew that if things got too intense that leslie and i could always enjoy a tecate in the backroom. and in hindsight, i must admit that enjoying a 3pm brew with a political minded tranny probably wasn't putting me on the path towards success. ayediosmio.

and while i didn't get my dream job, even though i did get a sweet personal letter, i have to wonder why that was even my dream job. im starting to realize that i have two very different routes i can go. and i have a sinking suspicion that im going to choose the more civic minded of the two. and in the meantime, im going to bust my ass for these people. they're the only ones who are willing to take a chance on this unhirable wreck of a young woman. i think i owe it to them.

happy 31st c. buie!! kisses over the distance.

everyone else. find a copy of tom robbins' skinny legs and all. read and repeat.

im having a really hard time today. because of charlie. because of the impending decision i have to make in the next 12 hours regarding my future and career. because of raymond and how ridiculous i feel for believing in l.o.v.e. i never anticipated feeling this lonely. im constantly wanting to run to the nearest exit. and start finding my way home. but i know that wouldn't make me feel any better. just deflated and defeated.

at least talladega nights was good. oh and im tan. lonely, but tan. what else could a girl ask for?

a certain two sisters i know went to a dixie chicks concert at the garden on tuesday. the best part? they couldn't tell their friend barbara (bush) that they were going. she would have been too upset. viva la revolucion!

and last night. AFTER MONTHS OF ONLY SEEING REALITY TV STARS. i saw josh hartnett. i can't remember the name of the restaurant we were at. but i do remember the 5 bottles of wine. and the ice cream cake that lisa bought. and the lasagna! delicious. emily had a lovely birthday and now she and kate and gavin are leaving me for texas. FOR A MONTH. i miss.

i saw constantine from american idol last week with laura at stereo. such.a.let.down. jay from project runway at happy valley...not a let down!

annaliese heilegenstein has been staying with me since tuesday. but i think she's leaving me tonight :((((((((((((((((( for greener pastures. it's been nice to have someone to pal around with during the day. it's taken me away from my life of movies on demand and craigslist. 4 interviews this week. a delicious care package from marisa. and raymond got his promotion! and if you negate the 100 degree heat and the power outages and the terror of getting stuck on the train, LIFE IS GOODDDD.

meet my obsession. my new obsession.

http://observer.com/20060731/20060731_Edmund_Glover_thecity_thetransom.asp

Her mother never wanted her to go to law school anyway. “I don’t know that she’s necessarily proud that I quit—don’t say that—I think it’s more that I don’t think she thought it was for me. I don’t think she thought that I was the lawyer type. Like, I’m left-handed! I think she thought I was more artistic.”

not the green ones!
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/07/21/us/21artist.html?_r=1&th&emc=th&oref=slogin

when i was younger my mimi would make my brother and i pick out the green m & m's from the packages b/c she claimed to be "allergic". she really just doesn't like green. L.I.A.R.

today would be mama rhatigan's 92nd birthday. happy birthday marcella!
xx

when i was younger i secretly wanted to date a guy (any guy for that matter) named brandon. not like any specific brandon. just a brandon. so i could call him bran. maybe it's my goonies obsession? maybe it's just a damn good name, but either way, my brandon dream has, and possibly will, go unfulfilled. i have a perfectly good raymond. even if he is only good for everyone loves raymond jokes.

when i get off the subway in nyc, i never know if it's raining, or if that's just that weird drizzle shit that falls off buildings and into my eye. today it was both. and only minutes apart! at least the toxic waste flew at me before the torrential downpour. washed off and good as new, alyza, gabriella and i made our way to the devil wears prada. and now i just want some chanel boots.
the.end.

this pretty much sums up my texas vacation.........hooooorah!

it was great seeing these boys. my sweet boy. and all of my non-boy friends (justin cox too). until we meet again, atx.